The Honesty of a Child

As we were leaving the grocery store, Autumn noticed a rather fluffy woman walking into the store, wearing some type of cotton-blend pants. They may or may not have been a little too short, like high-waters, but that's beside the point. I knew Autumn was watching her butt jiggle - she's five, and enjoys bathroom humor. I wouldn't expect anything less from her. As the woman walked to the entrance, Autumn stated very plainly, "It's like her pants are dancing."

I lost it.

Thankfully, we were already in the car. With the windows closed. That was a close one!

Love.

Don't lie - when you were a kid, you opened the freezer doors at the grocery store, waited for them to fog up, and then you drew stuff in them, didn't you?

I used to. And now Autumn does, too. Imagine my surprise, though, when she drew a butt...and poop. She cackled maniacally, and moved on to the next. I would have disciplined her for being so... well... inappropriate... but I was laughing, too.

I'm not sure who is immature - me or her - but that kid keeps me young. That pure laughter and joyful smile - even if it comes from a butt and poop - is so worth it.

My Hopes...Crushed...

As we were walking through the produce section at the grocery store, Autumn informed me that she knew "this Germany guy." Curious, I questioned her, and she further informed me that "this Germany guy" was Sebastian Bach.

Now, I don't know what it says about me, but my mind went *immediately* toward Sebastian Bach, Skidrow lead singer. You know, the guy with the awesomely long blond hair, tight pants...crooning "18 & Life." I was beside myself - my daughter knows GOOD music! I already knew she liked Bon Jovi, and she sings Counting Crows... I knew it, she has fabulous taste in music!

I started talking to her a little about Skidrow, and almost broke into the chorus of "18 & Life" before she crushed my hopes.

"NOT that guy, Mommy. Sebastian Bach, the composer, from Germany."

My heart sank.

Dejectedly, I said... "Oh, Johann Sebastian Bach. Right." You know, the amazing genius composer guy? Yeah, that one.

I suppose I should be happy that she's learning this stuff in school... But I really was excited that [I thought] she knew Skidrow.

She's On a Roll!

It's a two-fer!

This morning, Autumn thought she saw Adele in the Kroger parking lot. I laughed.

And then, she found the Angry Birds display at Wal-Mart - and promptly threw a pig on the floor, grabbed a bird, and ca-cawwww!ed as she threw the bird at the pig.

I love this kid.

Tell Me What You Really Think...

At pre-k today, when I asked why she wasn't playing - "Musical chairs are LAME."

Her First F-Bomb

Of all of the funny things this girl has said, my absolute favorite is probably the absolute worst thing for her to say - my kid dropped an F-bomb!

We were sitting at the dinner table, and Autumn dropped her carrot on the floor. When it hit the ground, she looked at me and said, "Fuckin' fail!"

I was so stunned that I made her repeat herself - each time she did, my eyes got bigger. Not only had she said it, but she used it properly...and humorously!

Autumn Threatens

From my child: "If you don't give me a piece of candy, I'm going to crap my pants."

After I stopped laughing, I followed up with my own threat: If you crap your pants, YOU are cleaning it up.